This is for anyone who has:
-Been cheated on
-Cheated on someone
For those who have cheated:
What made you do it?
why were you in the position to cheat?
Why were you in the relationship in the first place?
For those who have been cheated on:
How do you get over it? and realize that not all men are the same (or are they?)
How do you trust again?
Heres my situation. My ex boyfriend and I decided to be together mutually, and after a few months he started showing signs of cheating, He wouldn't call, he'd go out and say he's coming over then turn his phone off, Constantly making plans with me then flopping with NO explanation at all. (i was stupid in this relationship and let everything slide, and that was my fault) Eventually we broke up and he confessed to me that he had indeed cheated on me, numerous times. I had strong feelings for this guy, and to be cheated on is probably one of the worst feelings especially when I had been so faithful.
I met this guy, and he's amazing, he's smart, funny, gorgeous, and the most important thing for me is that I feel comfortable with him, I did right away (just like how I felt when I met my ex).
Im not going to lie, im scared to death. I know that not all men are the same, and all that, but its so hard for me to trust again, I don't know if I ever will. How can I get through this? Should I talk to him? or will it scare him away? I never used to be this way, but I guess i don't trust my judgement, and don't trust my instincts, because in away i think psychologically my mind is automatically telling me that everyone I meet is a cheater, and will hurt me because of past expriences. How can I stop this and start trusting again?
thanks for taking the time to read!!Ladies (and guys) I need some advice!?!?!?
For those who have been cheated on:
How do you get over it? and realize that not all men are the same (or are they?)
they aren't. there is too many men in the world, for all to be the same. but there is definitely too many cheaters out there.
How do you trust again? sometimes, if it's that hard, you don't.
what i did was told myself this.
-I'm done thinking my life sucks, I'm done crying over this, I'm done thinking everything always has to go wrong no matter how hard i try.
-because, the one thing that sucked, was you. the only thing making me cry, was you. and the only thing that went wrong in my life, was you, no matter how hard i tried.
'you' was referring to the douche i was with.
i got cheated one twice by my boyfriend of two years.
first by a slut, second by my best friend.
but i was tellin myself there is more guys who wont make me think all those things.
theres also guys out there who want your trust. who deserve it.
maybe this guy does.
hope it helped. if not.
good luck.Ladies (and guys) I need some advice!?!?!?
You need a lesson on who a man really is. The feminine energy grows with fullness, praise, connection and love, to allow a kind of ';surrender'; in all kinds of joyful experiences. With sex, women surrender to the experience with a man through love and connection, which can make the man and woman as one. But the masculine energy doesn't work this way. At least not in the ';darker'; part of a man. The masculine energy is VERY different. The masculine energy seeks to break through challenges all alone and arrive at its desire - ';emptiness'; and ';freedom';, men often seek this physical challenge of sex as a goal unto itself, where they can break through to a temporary ';freedom';. A man will NEVER see you exactly the way you want him to see you, or value you exactly the way you know you should be valued or the way you are thinking presently! There's a drive in men that makes them want to be CHALLENGED... and to overcome that challenge. Men want to be challenged by the idea of meeting, attracting, and pursuing a woman. And then they want to win the woman over and feel stronger as a man for having done it.
Men deal with this in one of two ways:
1. They find more ';freedom'; and emptiness by physically being with a woman in the short term.
or
2. They find connection and love by physically AND emotionally being with the woman in a deeper and ';longer-term'; way.
Here's the AMAZING part... A woman helps him choose which it will be with her.
Interesting...The point is, men LOVE the chase. Some men might tell you that they don't. They do. Men love the chase and the challenge not in their ';logical'; minds, but down where it counts. They love it in their FEELINGS and EMOTIONS. It's part of their genetic make-up.
But if a woman loses control emotionally, seeks HIS APPROVAL or thinks she can trade sex to receive love before a man's experiencing an intense desire to WIN HER OVER and to be with her, then something bad happens !!
The man loses that feeling of excitement and challenge with her. He recognizes that the woman has already given over physical and emotional CONTROL to him. Which destroys the strongest ';lead-in'; to creating lasting love with a man.
However, not all men may behave in the same manner- have U made up ur mind ?? U have to make up your mind once and for all give a final ultamitum (if you are in two minds) and Move on ?
Good Luck%26gt;r
I was cheated on. Broke up with that guy and a few months later started dating another guy... and then I found out that he was engaged to a woman who lived in another state. So I ended that. The guy I'm seeing now understands how I feel because we talked about it before we started seeing each other. He went through some similar things with one of his exes. If I didn't talk to him about my problems I never would have realized the kind of guy he was.
I suggest you talk to the guy you are with. Don't make it sound like you're a nut job and he shouldn't run.
I never cheated, but I was cheated on. I was engaged to be married to ';mr. wonderful'; and it was bad enough that he told me he cheated on me, but he finally had to tell me because he got this girl pregnant, and she was quite a ways along. So here I am planning a wedding, and come to find out he got her pregnant and married her instead. It was nice of him to wait until I gave him a brand new tv for christmas though before he told me. I don't trust anyone, I have a very extensive lessons learned file. I did get married a few years later, and while I have been married over 20 years, it has not been a happy marriage. It is not my husband so much as it is his family. We took marriage courses through the base. I am a bad judge of character so I knew I would take marriage classes no matter who I married. My problem is that I can't keep his family from causing problems in the marriage. If I had my life to do over, I would not have gotten married, not so much because of my husband, but because of the in laws. You can't make this guy pay for the other guys mistakes, but you also have to keep your eyes open and protect your heart. You have to do what is best for you. These days there are back ground checks but there are not written guarantees. The marriage classes showed me that if I had married ';mr. wonderful'; I would have been making a huge mistake, but my husband and I had a lot in common. The thing that marriage classes didn't do for me was warn me about in laws. I guess you have to trust a little at a time.
Just go with the new guy. Don't tell him about your previous bf until you have been with him for a while. Then talk to him and let him know your fears. If he is who you really want and he wants you this shouldn't be a problem. If it scares him off, well you have saved yourself getting so involved that you had started to live together, or married. Most of all, trust him until he gives you a reason not to.
I have never had a girlfriend in my life to cheat or to get cheated.
And I think you should take time off to understand whether this person will do the same thing or not. I mean if you are not girlfriend/boyfriends with each other, then just be his friend and you will understand yourself. Wait,if you have to, one month, 1/2 year or even an year, because eventually it will end up in a search for a life partner.
And life is certainly bigger than 1 or 2 or even 10 years.
And I have a belief that the search for a life partner should be made with as much patience as much you have for taking life decisions.
First of all, good that you know that not all men are the same. But, I agree that not all decisions we make are correct just like the previous one which was letting yourself fall in love with a cheater. I know that controlling feelings is usually hard, but you'll get over it if you tried and were determind. Besides, this guy seems sweet, but instead of hurrying up, take your time, get to know him well, and see if that thing will work out or not. May be it'll end up well. But **Communication** solves problems. Talk with that guy right now until you're 110% that this guy is better than your ex ( You know, instead of falling in the same trap twice, we have to learn from our mistakes ) And btw, you really don't wanna waste your life not trusting people. We almost saw nothing from life, yet. So, enjoy the coming moments and be normal again. Hope I helped..Good luck! =)
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Can you guys give me some advice please?
i met her online, about 8 months ago. she is single and i do know that for a fact, she still has pics of her ex(who she dated for sometime) on her fb and its nothing too risque. she also really close to her family, so i don't expect her to cut off ties with them. but she says they argue a lot and it makes me really upset. when she tells me this i just say ';oh'; and try to change the subject. i do have feelings for her, but we have only met in person once and that was a month after we started talking. so that led me to believe that she wanted to only be friends. but she tells me that she wants to fix me dinner one day and one time we were joking around about having kids and i said i'd rather adopt one. she said i'll support you 100%. so i am so confused. i want to tell her that i feel some type of way about her, but i just don't know where her mind is.Can you guys give me some advice please?
The two of you should probably meet each in other face-to-face in public at least a few more times before you decide whether or not to pursue a serious relationship with her.
Let her know that you want to be friends with her, and you're there for her if she needs you. Then go from there. If she wants to talk to you about her family problems (or any other issues she has going on in her life), let her talk to you about them, and comfort her as best you can. Also, encourage her to live her life to the fullest and follow her own dreams. If she continues to support your goals in life, and comforts you when you're feeling down and out, then you'll know she cares about you as well.
If the two of you remain good friends with each other, that's great. If your friendship develops into a serious romance, that's even better. But if your relationship with her fizzles out, then at least you'll know that she wasn't your ';Ms. Right,'; and you can focus on finding the woman who is.
Good luck, my friend!Can you guys give me some advice please?
nothing ventured, nothing gained. take the risk.
If you ever decide to meet this person, make sure it is in a very public place.
Life is hard.
The two of you should probably meet each in other face-to-face in public at least a few more times before you decide whether or not to pursue a serious relationship with her.
Let her know that you want to be friends with her, and you're there for her if she needs you. Then go from there. If she wants to talk to you about her family problems (or any other issues she has going on in her life), let her talk to you about them, and comfort her as best you can. Also, encourage her to live her life to the fullest and follow her own dreams. If she continues to support your goals in life, and comforts you when you're feeling down and out, then you'll know she cares about you as well.
If the two of you remain good friends with each other, that's great. If your friendship develops into a serious romance, that's even better. But if your relationship with her fizzles out, then at least you'll know that she wasn't your ';Ms. Right,'; and you can focus on finding the woman who is.
Good luck, my friend!Can you guys give me some advice please?
nothing ventured, nothing gained. take the risk.
If you ever decide to meet this person, make sure it is in a very public place.
Life is hard.
Guys and girls need advice?
okay so ive liked this guy for 2 years and i like him a lot and idk how he feels about me but everyday i see him at his locker when im at mine there like right next to each other and whenever i see him my mind goes blank and i cant think of anything to talk to him about and sometimes hell like poke me in the side and he knows it makes me laugh and sometimes he wont idk if this is flirting or not but hes soo shy he like never talks to me all he does is smile at me and i thought about telling him i like him but someone said it makes the guy lust for you instead of want you what do i doo!Guys and girls need advice?
show your ****, if he looks he likes youGuys and girls need advice?
I don't really think you should tell him you like him unless he was to say it first.
Just flirt and text him sometime:)
girl u gota flirt flirt flirt
show your ****, if he looks he likes youGuys and girls need advice?
I don't really think you should tell him you like him unless he was to say it first.
Just flirt and text him sometime:)
girl u gota flirt flirt flirt
Adults only! guys going down. need advice to tell my bf what to do!?
Me and my bf have been together a little over a year and he told me that he used to do this to his ex all the time. But when he does it to me I guess it just isn't the way I like it. I know this is a little much into detail but this is the only way I can get an honest answer. When he's down there I want him to play with my c*** but he doesn't do that. How do I let him know what I really want without bothering him. I used to love my ex doing this but now with him I don't really get off on it. Please give me some advie to suddlely let him know?Adults only! guys going down. need advice to tell my bf what to do!?
Open communication is the key to sexual pleasure. I know it is harder at a young age, but as I've gotten older, I really listen to what my partner is saying. Through body movement, and sounds. But I do also ask questions about what she likes. Talk to your man and let him know exactly what is working for you. I am sure he is more than willing to listen and do what ever it takes to satisfy you.Adults only! guys going down. need advice to tell my bf what to do!?
Next time just tell him to stop what he is doing and do what you say. Then tell him what you really want him to do. Once he does it and realizes how much better that feels for you, he will be happy that you told him what to do. Remember, when it comes to sex, there is no right or wrong. You just have to try stuff and then not be afraid to say what you like and what you don't like.
just tell him, honestly there isn't really an easy way to do this...
explain you aren't getting anything out of it and ask him to ';explore'; a bit more than he already does... ask him to go to different places... so when he hits the right spot... moan or make a sound that lets him know he's doing a good job...
just explain him how you want it.. show the area.. looks like you two are pretty opened with this, so.. why can't you spell it out? Guide him more, until he does it as you want.
You simply tell him verbally, or put his mouth where you want it...COMMUNICATE. He can't know if you don't tell him and then you just keep getting more of the same unsatisfying activity.
Use your mouth and tell him. I would rather get a little advice than to keep doing something that was lame.
Just tell him what you like.
he can't give you what u want if he doesn't know EXACTLY what it is u want! TELL HIM!
Open communication is the key to sexual pleasure. I know it is harder at a young age, but as I've gotten older, I really listen to what my partner is saying. Through body movement, and sounds. But I do also ask questions about what she likes. Talk to your man and let him know exactly what is working for you. I am sure he is more than willing to listen and do what ever it takes to satisfy you.Adults only! guys going down. need advice to tell my bf what to do!?
Next time just tell him to stop what he is doing and do what you say. Then tell him what you really want him to do. Once he does it and realizes how much better that feels for you, he will be happy that you told him what to do. Remember, when it comes to sex, there is no right or wrong. You just have to try stuff and then not be afraid to say what you like and what you don't like.
just tell him, honestly there isn't really an easy way to do this...
explain you aren't getting anything out of it and ask him to ';explore'; a bit more than he already does... ask him to go to different places... so when he hits the right spot... moan or make a sound that lets him know he's doing a good job...
just explain him how you want it.. show the area.. looks like you two are pretty opened with this, so.. why can't you spell it out? Guide him more, until he does it as you want.
You simply tell him verbally, or put his mouth where you want it...COMMUNICATE. He can't know if you don't tell him and then you just keep getting more of the same unsatisfying activity.
Use your mouth and tell him. I would rather get a little advice than to keep doing something that was lame.
Just tell him what you like.
he can't give you what u want if he doesn't know EXACTLY what it is u want! TELL HIM!
Can you guys give me some advice, my family and I are confused?
Please, read all of this. I know it might be long but I really need you to read all of it to answer my question completely.
In elementary school I had several crushes on girls. In middle school I had girlfriends. It was around 7th grade, though, that I knew that I was gay - or at least that I was attracted to guys. I've never had any relationship with a guy, never had anything sexual or physical with a guy (nor a girl, except kissing I guess haha). Anyway, a few days ago my parents saw on my computer in the History that I had been searching on youtube about ways to come out of the closet, etc. They asked me about it and I was so shocked and confused, it felt like I was in a dream or something. They told me that they would support me, but also they were saying things like 'it's just a phase', and that 'I need to give girls a second chance', and that 'I know we can get past this', etc. My mom woke me up because she was crying and said that she didn't want me to be gay and that she 'didn't want to lose me'. My family is Christian and they're concerned about my salvation, etc. I'm afraid because they are asking me to suppress these feelings for ANOTHER year and try to revert my thoughts to girls. They just don't seem to understand that I've been doing that for a very long time. I've prayed and prayed about it, because for a long time I didn't want to be gay. But just as I accepted it, my family goes a little psycho. I completely understand, and yet I don't. They are setting me up with a ';Family First'; counselor to talk about it. I'm afraid because I've heard from so many people that these little counseling sessions can really cause psychological damage. My dad was saying that he doesn't want me to go down this path, and that it will ruin my reputation (President of Student council 3 years in a row, awesome student, good Christian). He told me that it's eating them up inside. What am I supposed to do? I told him I didn't choose to be this way. He then gave me an example of my ex-uncle who was attracted to 8 year old girls (true story), and claimed that he was born that way. I'm just really getting angry inside because my parents think that I just woke up one morning and decided to be gay. My dad says that there really aren't any gay Christians and that all of them are degenerates. No gays are actually happy, they're confused and want to make more people gay so that they can feel satisfaction in knowing that they aren't the only ones confused. I'm angry inside that he could think that. He was like ';promise me, noah that you'll put in an honest effort to get over this';. I told him I HAVE BEEN TRYING. I'm angry/confused inside. Please, whatever advice you can give, please give it. It would help a ton. Thanks everyone.
noahCan you guys give me some advice, my family and I are confused?
Hey, Noah.
I'm so sorry to hear about this. You're in a really tough spot, and your parents - who should be supporting you - are trying to get you to suppress who you are, and deny your sexuality.
I don't have any good advice for you, although I'll tell you that when I first came out, my mom - who is not religious at all - told me that I probably wasn't sure what I was doing, and told me that it was going to tear her life apart and would be so hard for her if I was gay. She didn't even know what bisexual was, and claimed that I was making it up.
I found a few websites for you to try, and maybe show to your parents. You're certainly not the only gay Christian! :) I'm so sorry about this, and I know it's heartbreaking when your parents act as though they don't love you for who you are. If you find your local PFLAG - http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid鈥?/a> - by finding a chapter near you, they might be able to offer support for you and your parents, and even provide a few things for you to read and for your parents to read about homosexuality.
I have one more thing - these videos are great (related to being gay and the bible), my GSA loves them. Keep your spirits up, noah, and good luck with everything.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-zhNiGlo鈥?/a>
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/c0cf508鈥?/a>Can you guys give me some advice, my family and I are confused?
Pretend to be magically cured by Jesus so they'll leave you alone, but you can be openly gay around others. And remember to always delete your history.
Please learn how to use paragraphs before posting.
Just tell everyone that your not gay especialy the therapist dude
And it will not ruin your reputation it's stupid that people beleive that being gay is a bad thing. Just tell everyone that your straight during the day and sneak guys through your bedroom window at night.
You are definitely in a tough position right now and I think you are going to be having more and more conversations with your parents in order to explain and express what you are feeling. Just remember that it's going to take some time for them to really and truly accept this. Just as it has taken you a lot of time to process your own feeling and :';come out'; to yourself. Parents have to go through a coming out process also, so try to be patient.
But, you have to be open and honest about how you feel in order for them to understand that this is not a phase or soemthing that will go away.
If you really want an answer to a question in YA, then you have to figure out what you want to say beforehand, then sit down and express yourself logically. It is important to use good grammar, and also to paragraph your question when it is as long as what you have written here.
If you don't do that, then most people will simply ignore it.
Wow. I'm sorry. I would think that, as Christians, they would accept you no matter what. God didn't say people are born straight. I'm a Christian and I'm gay. I didn't want to be gay to begin with either, and I thought it might be because I had had a bad breakup with a girl, but the more I thought about it, the more I knew. Just like you said. I prayed about it, but nothing changed. I hope you can convince them that you didn't just 'decide' to be gay. Good luck.
Your parents are doing what they think is best for you, the only problem is wha't best for you and what's best for them are two different things and everybody gay, straight or bi can relate to this.
Your parents need to be educated and by that I suggest you give them a bone and say you'll all go to counseling so long as you get to pick the counselor. And since you are agreeing to go to counseling they need to meet you half way and come with you to PFLAG meetings in your area if there are any. I don't know. Check this out.
http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid鈥?/a>
They simply don't understand; my parents didn't either. They need reading material, they need to talk to other parents who have gay and lesbian kids to see that it's not just them, it's not a phase and it's not bad.
Spiritually, I am not christian or of any religious faith. But I do respect the fact that you do so...check out this site too:
http://gaychristian.net/
Best of luck to you Noah. Remember, ';I am therefore I am'; doesn't just apply to God.
Noah, What you ask is an age old question. I myself have faced your dilemma all my life. It hasn't been all that easy and there has been some really extra ordinary times. If you e-mail me privately I will do my best to be a friend with no strings attached and no BS. There are answers but no one particular answer for any one particular person. Write me. because there is hope and you are not alone.
hey PLEASE feel free to email me anytime at bluemew88888@yahoo.com i know exactly how you feel except i didn't have girlfriends. what ever you do don't suppress your feelings and don't try and be something your not. brother you have a bigger family that will accept you with Jesus/God being the father and us being your brothers and sisters. when you read the new testament it tells you that jesus did not come to bring peace but to set family at variance with one another father against son and son against father and so on. being gay to my beliefs is not a sin don't listen to those who tell you other wise. there is a site i recommend for you www.gaychristian101.com and you should email rev rick.
Noah, I can understand the situation you're going through very well. My mother feels the same about Christianity and homosexuality. She told me time and again that I was only going through a phase. She cried and told me that I was too young to make this 'decision'. She even kicked me out of her house on several occasions. She went through my diary and threw me out because I wrote about my feelings. I did my best to hide it around other people so I wouldn't embarrass my mother. But it is painful and dangerous to be forced to keep such a big secret. It can kill people. The truth is that some people are taught to fear and hate things that they cannot personally feel or relate to. Just as many older citizens today can remember the hostility and hate once felt towards others because of skin color, this generation feels the hate towards people who deviate from the Adam and Eve image. I believe that God loves his creatures no matter what. He made us all equally different. He painted the picture of life and love with ALL of his children, including you. This was not a decision you made, it's just the path that God has led your heart down. He will welcome you with open arms if you still love him. Your parents need to understand that this rejection of your feelings is wrong. God loves and accepts all and asks that his children be like him in that manner. Pray for God to bless your parents with the grace to see you through a difficult time in your life. You are never alone. Aside from God there are many people to talk to if you ever feel trapped or afraid. I'm available if you have questions and there is a grand place for you in this world, so don't forget it.
';My dad says that there really aren't any gay Christians and that all of them are degenerates. No gays are actually happy, they're confused and want to make more people gay so that they can feel satisfaction in knowing that they aren't the only ones confused.';
That stretch there made my sick to my stomach. Who is he to judge? Does he know your heart? Can he see inside to the soul of man? NO. Only Jesus Christ can do that and He is the ONLY one that matters. Believe it or not, there ARE Christians out there who are NOT so close minded. Even IF it is a sin and wrong and all that, I am still not the one to judge. I love and accept anyone who does the same. Know what I mean?
Anyway, first of all, sucks to have it happen like that. Life is great like that. If your parents are close minded on the salvation aspect of it, they probably also think that you'll never have a family, they'll never have grandkids, you'll die of aids at 35, and will actually someday be a crossdresser or transexual. I bet it is a cumulation of all those fears that makes it so incredibly hard for them. Have you talked about these issues to try and dispel the fears? It might help a little...
You have a choice here. You can go along with what they are asking you to do in order to a) keep/make peace and b) show that you're willing to try things their way. If at the end of the year, things have not changed, you have done what they wanted and they need to leave it alone. You will have to play the game for that year, but is it worth that year to try and salvage a future relationship with your folks? On the other hand, you could decide that you know who you are and you can't sink yourself to that level to appease anyone, even your parents. You will likely have a maaaajjjooorrr conflict in the home and your relationship may never heal, BUT you will be able to live knowing you were true to yourself on this. You need to decide which is more important to you.
The fact is that by choice or by birth, you are not ';normal'; to a lot of people. When you come out, you will be rejected by some and accepted by others. Your entire life will be pretty much tossed into a blender and it'll be up to you to make sense of what's left when it all stops spinning. Set your priorities now as to what's MOST important. Sometimes in life we have to sacrifice things of lower importance to keep the things that are REALLY super important. I know I have. And in a way, it's good because it forces you to figure yourself out and really learn who you are and what you want from life. The sooner you figure it out, the easier, but that's not how it works.
Above all, self examine. Don't let a counselor or your family or your friends get into your head and screw with you. Open yourself up to ideas, but don't give anyone full control of your mind and life. That is YOUR space. Good luck, man.
In elementary school I had several crushes on girls. In middle school I had girlfriends. It was around 7th grade, though, that I knew that I was gay - or at least that I was attracted to guys. I've never had any relationship with a guy, never had anything sexual or physical with a guy (nor a girl, except kissing I guess haha). Anyway, a few days ago my parents saw on my computer in the History that I had been searching on youtube about ways to come out of the closet, etc. They asked me about it and I was so shocked and confused, it felt like I was in a dream or something. They told me that they would support me, but also they were saying things like 'it's just a phase', and that 'I need to give girls a second chance', and that 'I know we can get past this', etc. My mom woke me up because she was crying and said that she didn't want me to be gay and that she 'didn't want to lose me'. My family is Christian and they're concerned about my salvation, etc. I'm afraid because they are asking me to suppress these feelings for ANOTHER year and try to revert my thoughts to girls. They just don't seem to understand that I've been doing that for a very long time. I've prayed and prayed about it, because for a long time I didn't want to be gay. But just as I accepted it, my family goes a little psycho. I completely understand, and yet I don't. They are setting me up with a ';Family First'; counselor to talk about it. I'm afraid because I've heard from so many people that these little counseling sessions can really cause psychological damage. My dad was saying that he doesn't want me to go down this path, and that it will ruin my reputation (President of Student council 3 years in a row, awesome student, good Christian). He told me that it's eating them up inside. What am I supposed to do? I told him I didn't choose to be this way. He then gave me an example of my ex-uncle who was attracted to 8 year old girls (true story), and claimed that he was born that way. I'm just really getting angry inside because my parents think that I just woke up one morning and decided to be gay. My dad says that there really aren't any gay Christians and that all of them are degenerates. No gays are actually happy, they're confused and want to make more people gay so that they can feel satisfaction in knowing that they aren't the only ones confused. I'm angry inside that he could think that. He was like ';promise me, noah that you'll put in an honest effort to get over this';. I told him I HAVE BEEN TRYING. I'm angry/confused inside. Please, whatever advice you can give, please give it. It would help a ton. Thanks everyone.
noahCan you guys give me some advice, my family and I are confused?
Hey, Noah.
I'm so sorry to hear about this. You're in a really tough spot, and your parents - who should be supporting you - are trying to get you to suppress who you are, and deny your sexuality.
I don't have any good advice for you, although I'll tell you that when I first came out, my mom - who is not religious at all - told me that I probably wasn't sure what I was doing, and told me that it was going to tear her life apart and would be so hard for her if I was gay. She didn't even know what bisexual was, and claimed that I was making it up.
I found a few websites for you to try, and maybe show to your parents. You're certainly not the only gay Christian! :) I'm so sorry about this, and I know it's heartbreaking when your parents act as though they don't love you for who you are. If you find your local PFLAG - http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid鈥?/a> - by finding a chapter near you, they might be able to offer support for you and your parents, and even provide a few things for you to read and for your parents to read about homosexuality.
I have one more thing - these videos are great (related to being gay and the bible), my GSA loves them. Keep your spirits up, noah, and good luck with everything.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-zhNiGlo鈥?/a>
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/c0cf508鈥?/a>Can you guys give me some advice, my family and I are confused?
Pretend to be magically cured by Jesus so they'll leave you alone, but you can be openly gay around others. And remember to always delete your history.
Please learn how to use paragraphs before posting.
Just tell everyone that your not gay especialy the therapist dude
And it will not ruin your reputation it's stupid that people beleive that being gay is a bad thing. Just tell everyone that your straight during the day and sneak guys through your bedroom window at night.
You are definitely in a tough position right now and I think you are going to be having more and more conversations with your parents in order to explain and express what you are feeling. Just remember that it's going to take some time for them to really and truly accept this. Just as it has taken you a lot of time to process your own feeling and :';come out'; to yourself. Parents have to go through a coming out process also, so try to be patient.
But, you have to be open and honest about how you feel in order for them to understand that this is not a phase or soemthing that will go away.
If you really want an answer to a question in YA, then you have to figure out what you want to say beforehand, then sit down and express yourself logically. It is important to use good grammar, and also to paragraph your question when it is as long as what you have written here.
If you don't do that, then most people will simply ignore it.
Wow. I'm sorry. I would think that, as Christians, they would accept you no matter what. God didn't say people are born straight. I'm a Christian and I'm gay. I didn't want to be gay to begin with either, and I thought it might be because I had had a bad breakup with a girl, but the more I thought about it, the more I knew. Just like you said. I prayed about it, but nothing changed. I hope you can convince them that you didn't just 'decide' to be gay. Good luck.
Your parents are doing what they think is best for you, the only problem is wha't best for you and what's best for them are two different things and everybody gay, straight or bi can relate to this.
Your parents need to be educated and by that I suggest you give them a bone and say you'll all go to counseling so long as you get to pick the counselor. And since you are agreeing to go to counseling they need to meet you half way and come with you to PFLAG meetings in your area if there are any. I don't know. Check this out.
http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid鈥?/a>
They simply don't understand; my parents didn't either. They need reading material, they need to talk to other parents who have gay and lesbian kids to see that it's not just them, it's not a phase and it's not bad.
Spiritually, I am not christian or of any religious faith. But I do respect the fact that you do so...check out this site too:
http://gaychristian.net/
Best of luck to you Noah. Remember, ';I am therefore I am'; doesn't just apply to God.
Noah, What you ask is an age old question. I myself have faced your dilemma all my life. It hasn't been all that easy and there has been some really extra ordinary times. If you e-mail me privately I will do my best to be a friend with no strings attached and no BS. There are answers but no one particular answer for any one particular person. Write me. because there is hope and you are not alone.
hey PLEASE feel free to email me anytime at bluemew88888@yahoo.com i know exactly how you feel except i didn't have girlfriends. what ever you do don't suppress your feelings and don't try and be something your not. brother you have a bigger family that will accept you with Jesus/God being the father and us being your brothers and sisters. when you read the new testament it tells you that jesus did not come to bring peace but to set family at variance with one another father against son and son against father and so on. being gay to my beliefs is not a sin don't listen to those who tell you other wise. there is a site i recommend for you www.gaychristian101.com and you should email rev rick.
Noah, I can understand the situation you're going through very well. My mother feels the same about Christianity and homosexuality. She told me time and again that I was only going through a phase. She cried and told me that I was too young to make this 'decision'. She even kicked me out of her house on several occasions. She went through my diary and threw me out because I wrote about my feelings. I did my best to hide it around other people so I wouldn't embarrass my mother. But it is painful and dangerous to be forced to keep such a big secret. It can kill people. The truth is that some people are taught to fear and hate things that they cannot personally feel or relate to. Just as many older citizens today can remember the hostility and hate once felt towards others because of skin color, this generation feels the hate towards people who deviate from the Adam and Eve image. I believe that God loves his creatures no matter what. He made us all equally different. He painted the picture of life and love with ALL of his children, including you. This was not a decision you made, it's just the path that God has led your heart down. He will welcome you with open arms if you still love him. Your parents need to understand that this rejection of your feelings is wrong. God loves and accepts all and asks that his children be like him in that manner. Pray for God to bless your parents with the grace to see you through a difficult time in your life. You are never alone. Aside from God there are many people to talk to if you ever feel trapped or afraid. I'm available if you have questions and there is a grand place for you in this world, so don't forget it.
';My dad says that there really aren't any gay Christians and that all of them are degenerates. No gays are actually happy, they're confused and want to make more people gay so that they can feel satisfaction in knowing that they aren't the only ones confused.';
That stretch there made my sick to my stomach. Who is he to judge? Does he know your heart? Can he see inside to the soul of man? NO. Only Jesus Christ can do that and He is the ONLY one that matters. Believe it or not, there ARE Christians out there who are NOT so close minded. Even IF it is a sin and wrong and all that, I am still not the one to judge. I love and accept anyone who does the same. Know what I mean?
Anyway, first of all, sucks to have it happen like that. Life is great like that. If your parents are close minded on the salvation aspect of it, they probably also think that you'll never have a family, they'll never have grandkids, you'll die of aids at 35, and will actually someday be a crossdresser or transexual. I bet it is a cumulation of all those fears that makes it so incredibly hard for them. Have you talked about these issues to try and dispel the fears? It might help a little...
You have a choice here. You can go along with what they are asking you to do in order to a) keep/make peace and b) show that you're willing to try things their way. If at the end of the year, things have not changed, you have done what they wanted and they need to leave it alone. You will have to play the game for that year, but is it worth that year to try and salvage a future relationship with your folks? On the other hand, you could decide that you know who you are and you can't sink yourself to that level to appease anyone, even your parents. You will likely have a maaaajjjooorrr conflict in the home and your relationship may never heal, BUT you will be able to live knowing you were true to yourself on this. You need to decide which is more important to you.
The fact is that by choice or by birth, you are not ';normal'; to a lot of people. When you come out, you will be rejected by some and accepted by others. Your entire life will be pretty much tossed into a blender and it'll be up to you to make sense of what's left when it all stops spinning. Set your priorities now as to what's MOST important. Sometimes in life we have to sacrifice things of lower importance to keep the things that are REALLY super important. I know I have. And in a way, it's good because it forces you to figure yourself out and really learn who you are and what you want from life. The sooner you figure it out, the easier, but that's not how it works.
Above all, self examine. Don't let a counselor or your family or your friends get into your head and screw with you. Open yourself up to ideas, but don't give anyone full control of your mind and life. That is YOUR space. Good luck, man.
Question for guys/girls with good advice only!?
ok well theres 2 guys, and my heart has already been broke last year i was in 7th and he was in 8th, long story short, we were talking, and i thought he liked be but he turned round and started dating his old gf and now wont even look at me.
but now im in 8th and there is this freshman and i think he likes me kindof, but like he playes baseball and he rode the bus bc his practice was cancled, so we kinda talked and he turned and was like so grube (wich is his nickname 4 me like grew-b bc it goes w/ my last name) whats the news? and i blushed and got all smiley and what like what u mean and he was like well we talked like every day and now we dont.... and i need help with him,
and then theres this senior that lives close to me and he always talks to me on the bus when he rides and today came into muh home ec class to ask the tacher some questions bout stuff 4 the school news thing wich is funny, and he kept lookin at me and would smile and then be like hey and i'd be like hey and he'd be like hows it goin and i'd be like good. but he did that like 4 times and kept talkin to me and some of my frinds got jealous. help with him to.Question for guys/girls with good advice only!?
The senior makes quite an age gap, which can cause problems. I'll focus on the freshman instead.
If you two have trouble starting a conversation, talk about everyday common things. Movies, vacations, what's going on in school, about his baseball practices/games, how annoying your sibling is(if you have any, just throwing it out there for example), funny moments in life, etc.
The key is that both of you can relate to it!
but now im in 8th and there is this freshman and i think he likes me kindof, but like he playes baseball and he rode the bus bc his practice was cancled, so we kinda talked and he turned and was like so grube (wich is his nickname 4 me like grew-b bc it goes w/ my last name) whats the news? and i blushed and got all smiley and what like what u mean and he was like well we talked like every day and now we dont.... and i need help with him,
and then theres this senior that lives close to me and he always talks to me on the bus when he rides and today came into muh home ec class to ask the tacher some questions bout stuff 4 the school news thing wich is funny, and he kept lookin at me and would smile and then be like hey and i'd be like hey and he'd be like hows it goin and i'd be like good. but he did that like 4 times and kept talkin to me and some of my frinds got jealous. help with him to.Question for guys/girls with good advice only!?
The senior makes quite an age gap, which can cause problems. I'll focus on the freshman instead.
If you two have trouble starting a conversation, talk about everyday common things. Movies, vacations, what's going on in school, about his baseball practices/games, how annoying your sibling is(if you have any, just throwing it out there for example), funny moments in life, etc.
The key is that both of you can relate to it!
Girls and guys please help! relationship advice needed! answer for answer!?
I know its pretty lame that I am coming on here for relationship advice, or maybe it is to some of you.
Here is my story. I have been with a guy for 6 months now. I love him very much. In the past, relatively about a month or two ago, he let me send a text to a friend for him from his cell phone. When his friend replied, he had me go to his inbox and tell him what it said. In his phone, when you go to his inbox, it shows the first few words of every txt. well when i looked i saw several dirty text messages from another girl talking about him ';jacking off while thinking of her'; and ';her not being able to wait to meet up and have ';hott madd sex with him';'; When i confronted him, he was very calm in telling me that he didnt reply to her with anything sexual. His phone is set to where his outbox isnt saved. He didnt get defensive or anything. So i told him to prove himself and txt or call her right then and have her send him the texts they were exchanging. he chose to text her and then he deleted her number. I assumed she would reply, considering she didnt know what he was trying to do. He told me this girl was a good friend, but to this day swears she never replied. hmmmmm.......
Also in his phone this girl was listed under the letter ';B';. no name..he told me her name was brittany and he just called her b so thats y he put her in there as b. i also saw that he had called this girl and she called him while i was at work and a few nights after he got off the phone with ME ';because he was tired';.......
anyways so there were some other situtations involving myspace and such where he was flirting with girls. These ended our relationship a few times but we ended up getting back together.
Ever since these incidents I have not been able to trust him.
So here we are at our 6 mnth mark and i ended it, telling him I could not trust him so we were thru.
On top of this, he doesnt work, hes 21 yrs old and all he does is lay around my house while i work. i pay, i drive....
I also mentioned this in the breakup.
I thot we were thru..... but now he has been calling me and like a dummy I answer. He wants to take me out and talk about things and when he gets back from his trip to FL.....
idk what i should do. the main issue here is i love him and its hard for me to move on......
i wanna think with my head, not my heart but i just cant help it.
we are currently not together but we still talk everyday.
idk what to do..
i really need some advice from someone who understands..
thanks!Girls and guys please help! relationship advice needed! answer for answer!?
.Firstly stop all contact with this guy.No wonder he has dirty text messages as he has nothing better to do with his time. He lays about the house while you slave to make ends meet.Now he's on vacation (Florida) as he needs the rest. He's a freeloader,sponger,parasite who takes,takes takes.
Here is my story. I have been with a guy for 6 months now. I love him very much. In the past, relatively about a month or two ago, he let me send a text to a friend for him from his cell phone. When his friend replied, he had me go to his inbox and tell him what it said. In his phone, when you go to his inbox, it shows the first few words of every txt. well when i looked i saw several dirty text messages from another girl talking about him ';jacking off while thinking of her'; and ';her not being able to wait to meet up and have ';hott madd sex with him';'; When i confronted him, he was very calm in telling me that he didnt reply to her with anything sexual. His phone is set to where his outbox isnt saved. He didnt get defensive or anything. So i told him to prove himself and txt or call her right then and have her send him the texts they were exchanging. he chose to text her and then he deleted her number. I assumed she would reply, considering she didnt know what he was trying to do. He told me this girl was a good friend, but to this day swears she never replied. hmmmmm.......
Also in his phone this girl was listed under the letter ';B';. no name..he told me her name was brittany and he just called her b so thats y he put her in there as b. i also saw that he had called this girl and she called him while i was at work and a few nights after he got off the phone with ME ';because he was tired';.......
anyways so there were some other situtations involving myspace and such where he was flirting with girls. These ended our relationship a few times but we ended up getting back together.
Ever since these incidents I have not been able to trust him.
So here we are at our 6 mnth mark and i ended it, telling him I could not trust him so we were thru.
On top of this, he doesnt work, hes 21 yrs old and all he does is lay around my house while i work. i pay, i drive....
I also mentioned this in the breakup.
I thot we were thru..... but now he has been calling me and like a dummy I answer. He wants to take me out and talk about things and when he gets back from his trip to FL.....
idk what i should do. the main issue here is i love him and its hard for me to move on......
i wanna think with my head, not my heart but i just cant help it.
we are currently not together but we still talk everyday.
idk what to do..
i really need some advice from someone who understands..
thanks!Girls and guys please help! relationship advice needed! answer for answer!?
.Firstly stop all contact with this guy.No wonder he has dirty text messages as he has nothing better to do with his time. He lays about the house while you slave to make ends meet.Now he's on vacation (Florida) as he needs the rest. He's a freeloader,sponger,parasite who takes,takes takes.
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