Can you guys give me some advice, my family and I are confused?

Please, read all of this. I know it might be long but I really need you to read all of it to answer my question completely.





In elementary school I had several crushes on girls. In middle school I had girlfriends. It was around 7th grade, though, that I knew that I was gay - or at least that I was attracted to guys. I've never had any relationship with a guy, never had anything sexual or physical with a guy (nor a girl, except kissing I guess haha). Anyway, a few days ago my parents saw on my computer in the History that I had been searching on youtube about ways to come out of the closet, etc. They asked me about it and I was so shocked and confused, it felt like I was in a dream or something. They told me that they would support me, but also they were saying things like 'it's just a phase', and that 'I need to give girls a second chance', and that 'I know we can get past this', etc. My mom woke me up because she was crying and said that she didn't want me to be gay and that she 'didn't want to lose me'. My family is Christian and they're concerned about my salvation, etc. I'm afraid because they are asking me to suppress these feelings for ANOTHER year and try to revert my thoughts to girls. They just don't seem to understand that I've been doing that for a very long time. I've prayed and prayed about it, because for a long time I didn't want to be gay. But just as I accepted it, my family goes a little psycho. I completely understand, and yet I don't. They are setting me up with a ';Family First'; counselor to talk about it. I'm afraid because I've heard from so many people that these little counseling sessions can really cause psychological damage. My dad was saying that he doesn't want me to go down this path, and that it will ruin my reputation (President of Student council 3 years in a row, awesome student, good Christian). He told me that it's eating them up inside. What am I supposed to do? I told him I didn't choose to be this way. He then gave me an example of my ex-uncle who was attracted to 8 year old girls (true story), and claimed that he was born that way. I'm just really getting angry inside because my parents think that I just woke up one morning and decided to be gay. My dad says that there really aren't any gay Christians and that all of them are degenerates. No gays are actually happy, they're confused and want to make more people gay so that they can feel satisfaction in knowing that they aren't the only ones confused. I'm angry inside that he could think that. He was like ';promise me, noah that you'll put in an honest effort to get over this';. I told him I HAVE BEEN TRYING. I'm angry/confused inside. Please, whatever advice you can give, please give it. It would help a ton. Thanks everyone.





noahCan you guys give me some advice, my family and I are confused?
Hey, Noah.





I'm so sorry to hear about this. You're in a really tough spot, and your parents - who should be supporting you - are trying to get you to suppress who you are, and deny your sexuality.





I don't have any good advice for you, although I'll tell you that when I first came out, my mom - who is not religious at all - told me that I probably wasn't sure what I was doing, and told me that it was going to tear her life apart and would be so hard for her if I was gay. She didn't even know what bisexual was, and claimed that I was making it up.





I found a few websites for you to try, and maybe show to your parents. You're certainly not the only gay Christian! :) I'm so sorry about this, and I know it's heartbreaking when your parents act as though they don't love you for who you are. If you find your local PFLAG - http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid鈥?/a> - by finding a chapter near you, they might be able to offer support for you and your parents, and even provide a few things for you to read and for your parents to read about homosexuality.





I have one more thing - these videos are great (related to being gay and the bible), my GSA loves them. Keep your spirits up, noah, and good luck with everything.





http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-zhNiGlo鈥?/a>





http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/c0cf508鈥?/a>Can you guys give me some advice, my family and I are confused?
Pretend to be magically cured by Jesus so they'll leave you alone, but you can be openly gay around others. And remember to always delete your history.
Please learn how to use paragraphs before posting.
Just tell everyone that your not gay especialy the therapist dude


And it will not ruin your reputation it's stupid that people beleive that being gay is a bad thing. Just tell everyone that your straight during the day and sneak guys through your bedroom window at night.
You are definitely in a tough position right now and I think you are going to be having more and more conversations with your parents in order to explain and express what you are feeling. Just remember that it's going to take some time for them to really and truly accept this. Just as it has taken you a lot of time to process your own feeling and :';come out'; to yourself. Parents have to go through a coming out process also, so try to be patient.


But, you have to be open and honest about how you feel in order for them to understand that this is not a phase or soemthing that will go away.
If you really want an answer to a question in YA, then you have to figure out what you want to say beforehand, then sit down and express yourself logically. It is important to use good grammar, and also to paragraph your question when it is as long as what you have written here.





If you don't do that, then most people will simply ignore it.
Wow. I'm sorry. I would think that, as Christians, they would accept you no matter what. God didn't say people are born straight. I'm a Christian and I'm gay. I didn't want to be gay to begin with either, and I thought it might be because I had had a bad breakup with a girl, but the more I thought about it, the more I knew. Just like you said. I prayed about it, but nothing changed. I hope you can convince them that you didn't just 'decide' to be gay. Good luck.
Your parents are doing what they think is best for you, the only problem is wha't best for you and what's best for them are two different things and everybody gay, straight or bi can relate to this.





Your parents need to be educated and by that I suggest you give them a bone and say you'll all go to counseling so long as you get to pick the counselor. And since you are agreeing to go to counseling they need to meet you half way and come with you to PFLAG meetings in your area if there are any. I don't know. Check this out.





http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid鈥?/a>





They simply don't understand; my parents didn't either. They need reading material, they need to talk to other parents who have gay and lesbian kids to see that it's not just them, it's not a phase and it's not bad.


Spiritually, I am not christian or of any religious faith. But I do respect the fact that you do so...check out this site too:





http://gaychristian.net/





Best of luck to you Noah. Remember, ';I am therefore I am'; doesn't just apply to God.
Noah, What you ask is an age old question. I myself have faced your dilemma all my life. It hasn't been all that easy and there has been some really extra ordinary times. If you e-mail me privately I will do my best to be a friend with no strings attached and no BS. There are answers but no one particular answer for any one particular person. Write me. because there is hope and you are not alone.
hey PLEASE feel free to email me anytime at bluemew88888@yahoo.com i know exactly how you feel except i didn't have girlfriends. what ever you do don't suppress your feelings and don't try and be something your not. brother you have a bigger family that will accept you with Jesus/God being the father and us being your brothers and sisters. when you read the new testament it tells you that jesus did not come to bring peace but to set family at variance with one another father against son and son against father and so on. being gay to my beliefs is not a sin don't listen to those who tell you other wise. there is a site i recommend for you www.gaychristian101.com and you should email rev rick.
Noah, I can understand the situation you're going through very well. My mother feels the same about Christianity and homosexuality. She told me time and again that I was only going through a phase. She cried and told me that I was too young to make this 'decision'. She even kicked me out of her house on several occasions. She went through my diary and threw me out because I wrote about my feelings. I did my best to hide it around other people so I wouldn't embarrass my mother. But it is painful and dangerous to be forced to keep such a big secret. It can kill people. The truth is that some people are taught to fear and hate things that they cannot personally feel or relate to. Just as many older citizens today can remember the hostility and hate once felt towards others because of skin color, this generation feels the hate towards people who deviate from the Adam and Eve image. I believe that God loves his creatures no matter what. He made us all equally different. He painted the picture of life and love with ALL of his children, including you. This was not a decision you made, it's just the path that God has led your heart down. He will welcome you with open arms if you still love him. Your parents need to understand that this rejection of your feelings is wrong. God loves and accepts all and asks that his children be like him in that manner. Pray for God to bless your parents with the grace to see you through a difficult time in your life. You are never alone. Aside from God there are many people to talk to if you ever feel trapped or afraid. I'm available if you have questions and there is a grand place for you in this world, so don't forget it.
';My dad says that there really aren't any gay Christians and that all of them are degenerates. No gays are actually happy, they're confused and want to make more people gay so that they can feel satisfaction in knowing that they aren't the only ones confused.';





That stretch there made my sick to my stomach. Who is he to judge? Does he know your heart? Can he see inside to the soul of man? NO. Only Jesus Christ can do that and He is the ONLY one that matters. Believe it or not, there ARE Christians out there who are NOT so close minded. Even IF it is a sin and wrong and all that, I am still not the one to judge. I love and accept anyone who does the same. Know what I mean?





Anyway, first of all, sucks to have it happen like that. Life is great like that. If your parents are close minded on the salvation aspect of it, they probably also think that you'll never have a family, they'll never have grandkids, you'll die of aids at 35, and will actually someday be a crossdresser or transexual. I bet it is a cumulation of all those fears that makes it so incredibly hard for them. Have you talked about these issues to try and dispel the fears? It might help a little...





You have a choice here. You can go along with what they are asking you to do in order to a) keep/make peace and b) show that you're willing to try things their way. If at the end of the year, things have not changed, you have done what they wanted and they need to leave it alone. You will have to play the game for that year, but is it worth that year to try and salvage a future relationship with your folks? On the other hand, you could decide that you know who you are and you can't sink yourself to that level to appease anyone, even your parents. You will likely have a maaaajjjooorrr conflict in the home and your relationship may never heal, BUT you will be able to live knowing you were true to yourself on this. You need to decide which is more important to you.





The fact is that by choice or by birth, you are not ';normal'; to a lot of people. When you come out, you will be rejected by some and accepted by others. Your entire life will be pretty much tossed into a blender and it'll be up to you to make sense of what's left when it all stops spinning. Set your priorities now as to what's MOST important. Sometimes in life we have to sacrifice things of lower importance to keep the things that are REALLY super important. I know I have. And in a way, it's good because it forces you to figure yourself out and really learn who you are and what you want from life. The sooner you figure it out, the easier, but that's not how it works.





Above all, self examine. Don't let a counselor or your family or your friends get into your head and screw with you. Open yourself up to ideas, but don't give anyone full control of your mind and life. That is YOUR space. Good luck, man.