i have been with my bf for over 2 years now...hes funny and i enjoy spending time with him, but as we get older...we are very much different people (id like to go get a drink, hed liek to go out on the porch and smoke a joint)...theres no passion left, and we talk about marriage and say i love you...but i dont think thats what i want anymore; however...hes still holding onto it very tightly. i know that no matter waht i say his heart will be broken (ive tried before and he cried so much i couldnt say no). how would you want to be dumped...i know its silly and peopel do this kind of stuff a lot...but i just feel so bad and im not scared of being alone...its jsut breaking up with him and the few hours ill have to spend explaining...thats why im so hesitant...any suggestions are welsome!Ok all guys i need your advice...and i guess girlos can answer too if they have somehting good to say...?
You need to grow your feelings into a mutual relationship, that benefits and interests you both. That will take love and compromise, meeting each other halfway on every issue. If either of you refuses, then maybe think about finding someone else that will grow into a good bond.Ok all guys i need your advice...and i guess girlos can answer too if they have somehting good to say...?
there is different ways to handle the situation but we need
more information--do u live together--have kids--
joint account ect--have jobs
You need to sit down and have a rational conversation and explain to him the reasons you don't think this is working. Tell him you're not happy. Just be honest and kind, but be firm and don't give in if he cries.
There was a great Yahoo! article recently about break-ups and questions you should ask yourself before you decide to go through with it.
The main point I recall is that NO ONE is 100% happy or passionate as a couple of years go by. You have to ask yourself a big question... Are YOU willing to work at it and is your significant other willing to work at it?
If the answer is 'no', well, you're probably just bored and need to move on. You're likely the type who will have MANY two year relationships throughout your life.
If the answer is 'no', because he isn't willing to work, well, you need to find someone who is. Find someone who is willing to take care of themselves, willing to be better for you.
You can see where I am going here. Just be honest with him. Don't beat around the bush.
Well my obvious first answer is that I wouldn't. But if it had to be done, it would have to be clean and fast. No buttering up or anything. Say it's over before you even discuss it so you can't say no. Give me a 5 second explanation then just leave.
Nice and quick like a band-aid.
i can help u.but can u help me i want go to usa.
First I would write a letter telling him all the wonderful things about him...and then tell him even though he is wonderful....and will be perfect for someone...it is just not you....you are just not ready to be in a committed lifetime relationship, and he deserves nothing less than to be with someone that absolutely knows he is the one for her. Tell him you know that you are wounding him and you are so so sorry...but it would be a greater hurt and disservice to him to stay when you are not as committed to him as you should be in your heart. Tell him it has nothing to do with him, but it is all about where you are. Collect your stuff ahead of time...so you don't have stuff to deal with after....because he will most likely go through some anger stuff to heal...it is part of the process...I would just write the letter, be prepared to leave so you don't have to go back and retrieve things and then just do it. Then stand up and walk away. It will be painful, but stretching it out when you know he is not the one for you isn't doing him a favor....or you.....and you are entitled to be happy....females tend to be self sacrificing....but I would encourage you not to do it....it won't lead to happiness. Be brave and reach out and grab life.
I know this was for the guys, but I think I have something good to say, lol. I think HE is afraid of being alone. Sounds like you don't really love him anymore, your only still with him to spare his feelings. I think it's time to worry about your own feelings. If breaking up with him is what you really want to do, then you need to do that and break the ties! He will be fine. If you've already talked about trying to work it out, and it's not working.... then it's time to let it go. Good luck girl!
You have to do whats best for you, it might hurt him, but you are liveing your life. He is just a part of your life.
It will be hard to dump him.
But there is a Mr.right out there for you.
he might not be the one for.
Well, since I'm really sarcastic and get mad easily, I would want to be dumped fast and easy, such as ';IT'S OVER!'; But your bf sounds really mellow and sensitive, so you might want to be soft and kind with him, and tel him you still want to be friends with him, just not hes gf. He'll understand.
PS I am not a guy
His real fear is not to lose you, but to lose the prospect of you. The futrure of being alone. That is why he is holding on so tightly. He is scared and that is the main thing keeping him with you.
You have to end it. He has to face his fear otherwise it will just make both of you miserable. And, if you are afraid of it being a hard break-up, then do it clean and fast. That is probably the best way anyways.
I am in a similar situation with my girlfriend (ex I guess). We dated for 4 1/2 years. We still love each other but kind of grew apart in our lives. She just turned 21 and wants to go out and party with the girls. I was looking to move our relationship to the next level and start thinking about marriage. We didn't communicate well during the last year. We stopped talking about how we felt and kinda just went through the motions. One day she just dropped a bomb and it was over. I was confused, didn't understand why she just went stone cold and wouldn't talk or try to work it out. I really wish we could have recognized what was happening because the problems are more than fixable and we still love each other. She has just built up some sort of resentment towards me and is convinced there is not future together. I believe that growing together as a couple is more healthy then jumping ship and finding someone new. She thinks that we cannot regain our spark so its over.
You need to decide what you want to do. You can stay with him and talk to him about what you are feeling. Try to work things out and regain what you had. Or you can leave and find yourself on your own. For us, the breakup has been a great experience, whether we end up back together or not (which I am still hopeful for as we are still very close). I have learned a lot and am much more mature having gone through this. I now see how we were hurting each other during that last year and didn't even realize it. Now I love her more than ever and hope that we can have a second chance. If not then it wasn't meant to be.
Don't stay just because you don't want to go through the breakup, thats part of life. If you stay, do so because you love him and want to try and make it work.
ok just tell him how you feel if he doesnt understand then why should you stay with him
um mm i would just tell him the truth be like in a few years we aren't gonna be happy together anymore and we have diff rent int rest be like and i dint want you to change cause you are a good person ..something like that
If you truly honestly think that he will break down and try to talk you out of it then I think your best bet is writing him a letter. Yes I know it sounds like a cop out, but sometimes that's the best and only option. I've broken up with someone through a letter back in highschool, but it saved us both a lot of grief and embarrassment. You just need to make sure it's a well-written, preferably hand-written, letter. Don't say anything negative about him and don't call him names - just stick to the whole ';we're going in 2 different directions'; explanation.
Hope that helps!
You just gotta do it, and the sooner the better.
When you dump him you need to be strong. Tell him why it is over and then let it be over. If he calls don't answer if you see him go the other way. It will easier on him. But right now you are lying to him. You tell him you want to be with him for a long time and other things like that. If you do want to be with him but want a change then tell him that. If you want to work on it then tell him that as well. Just be honest with yourself.
There is no easy way to dump someone. You can soften the blow by trying all sort but the results are the same.
2 years with a person is a long time but the longer you leave it, the harder it gets. He obviously loves you but if you feel that you too far 'apart', better now than never. You must be strong even if he cries, shout or threat to kill himself. You need to be strong and resolute. As for explaining, maybe tried to say that it's not because of him but because you want something else out of life. Try dumping him outside or in a pub, it should avoid long explainations as you will be able to walk away. Good luck.
You are right when you say he will be hurt no matter what, but that is the risk of entering any relationship. It's not a fun thing to have to do, breaking up, for either person involved. This is what I would do, if I knew I cared for the guy but that we weren't going to make it as a couple. I'd get together with him, but I'd do it on a day when I have other responsibilities I have to get to, so that way when we've had our break-up talk I don't get trapped there for too long and talked back into something that I don't really want to do. Then, when I was with him, I would try to be a nice, but blunt as possible. I'd do my best to put things in a way where there are no arguments to it. Like, I do care about you, but I don't see a future in this. It isn't something you have done, and there is nothing you can do to change this. My heart just isn't in this anymore, and it hurts, but I feel it is time to move on. Then you can talk for bit, but you are able to leave before too long to get to your other engagements. I hope that whatever you do, this works out for you, and you are successful in breaking it off. In the long run it is better for BOTH of you, since it is only going to be harder for him the longer it gets put off. Good luck.
okay this is what i would say: ';look baby, these 2 years have been amazing but we've changend so much and my feelings have 2. Im sorry but it's over. I hope you can forgive me and that i truly mean we can stay friends but I can't do this anymore ';
and leave without seeing him cry.
well um just be str8 with him no matter how you do it he is just gona ball his eyes out um well dont ry that its not you its me thing cuase i knwo dat neva works so yea just try your best your entiteld to have a relation **** with someone you love and loves you back dats all i think
well you didnt put an age so im guessing early 20's and if thats the case you should just get him so hi that he doesnt really know whats going on then get him to dump you or kill him were gloves :)
ummm- is sounds like you have made up your mind to break up with your b/f. soo the solution is how best to do it. i was maddly in love with my g/f in undergrad school and she wanted to break up. but she loved me so she spent one last night with me and gave me an all night durty girl monkey sexual night like i never had before. then when we woke up she told me how much she loved me but that she needed to move on in another direction. i was still broken hearted but i was ok. maybe you want to try it this way. good luck
Just do it, and don't let him guilt you into staying. Guilt isn't love. Explain what you feel in as few words as possible and leave him be so he can react without you watching and decide what he thinks. Try to avoid cliches and just tell him what you told us. If he really loves you, he won't want you to be unhappy.
Just explain it in a way that shows that you love him too much to keep him from getting the kind of love that he deserves in this life, that you love him, but it feels like something's missing. Tell him that you want him to be happy, and you want yourself to be happy also, but it's time to move on so that you both can find what it is that you're meant to find. As long as you're honest and compassionate, it should go ok. Definitely do it in person, though.
Good luck to you! :o)
Tell him how u feel tell him u feel ther is no passion and tht he has to change if he doenst change dump him and dnt take him bck because nothing will change be strong let be know how it goes and email me on chloefevans@yahoo.com
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