Ladies (and guys) I need some advice!?!?!?

This is for anyone who has:


-Been cheated on


-Cheated on someone





For those who have cheated:


What made you do it?


why were you in the position to cheat?


Why were you in the relationship in the first place?





For those who have been cheated on:


How do you get over it? and realize that not all men are the same (or are they?)


How do you trust again?





Heres my situation. My ex boyfriend and I decided to be together mutually, and after a few months he started showing signs of cheating, He wouldn't call, he'd go out and say he's coming over then turn his phone off, Constantly making plans with me then flopping with NO explanation at all. (i was stupid in this relationship and let everything slide, and that was my fault) Eventually we broke up and he confessed to me that he had indeed cheated on me, numerous times. I had strong feelings for this guy, and to be cheated on is probably one of the worst feelings especially when I had been so faithful.


I met this guy, and he's amazing, he's smart, funny, gorgeous, and the most important thing for me is that I feel comfortable with him, I did right away (just like how I felt when I met my ex).


Im not going to lie, im scared to death. I know that not all men are the same, and all that, but its so hard for me to trust again, I don't know if I ever will. How can I get through this? Should I talk to him? or will it scare him away? I never used to be this way, but I guess i don't trust my judgement, and don't trust my instincts, because in away i think psychologically my mind is automatically telling me that everyone I meet is a cheater, and will hurt me because of past expriences. How can I stop this and start trusting again?





thanks for taking the time to read!!Ladies (and guys) I need some advice!?!?!?
For those who have been cheated on:





How do you get over it? and realize that not all men are the same (or are they?)


they aren't. there is too many men in the world, for all to be the same. but there is definitely too many cheaters out there.





How do you trust again? sometimes, if it's that hard, you don't.





what i did was told myself this.





-I'm done thinking my life sucks, I'm done crying over this, I'm done thinking everything always has to go wrong no matter how hard i try.


-because, the one thing that sucked, was you. the only thing making me cry, was you. and the only thing that went wrong in my life, was you, no matter how hard i tried.








'you' was referring to the douche i was with.


i got cheated one twice by my boyfriend of two years.


first by a slut, second by my best friend.





but i was tellin myself there is more guys who wont make me think all those things.


theres also guys out there who want your trust. who deserve it.


maybe this guy does.





hope it helped. if not.


good luck.Ladies (and guys) I need some advice!?!?!?
You need a lesson on who a man really is. The feminine energy grows with fullness, praise, connection and love, to allow a kind of ';surrender'; in all kinds of joyful experiences. With sex, women surrender to the experience with a man through love and connection, which can make the man and woman as one. But the masculine energy doesn't work this way. At least not in the ';darker'; part of a man. The masculine energy is VERY different. The masculine energy seeks to break through challenges all alone and arrive at its desire - ';emptiness'; and ';freedom';, men often seek this physical challenge of sex as a goal unto itself, where they can break through to a temporary ';freedom';. A man will NEVER see you exactly the way you want him to see you, or value you exactly the way you know you should be valued or the way you are thinking presently! There's a drive in men that makes them want to be CHALLENGED... and to overcome that challenge. Men want to be challenged by the idea of meeting, attracting, and pursuing a woman. And then they want to win the woman over and feel stronger as a man for having done it.





Men deal with this in one of two ways:





1. They find more ';freedom'; and emptiness by physically being with a woman in the short term.


or


2. They find connection and love by physically AND emotionally being with the woman in a deeper and ';longer-term'; way.





Here's the AMAZING part... A woman helps him choose which it will be with her.


Interesting...The point is, men LOVE the chase. Some men might tell you that they don't. They do. Men love the chase and the challenge not in their ';logical'; minds, but down where it counts. They love it in their FEELINGS and EMOTIONS. It's part of their genetic make-up.





But if a woman loses control emotionally, seeks HIS APPROVAL or thinks she can trade sex to receive love before a man's experiencing an intense desire to WIN HER OVER and to be with her, then something bad happens !!


The man loses that feeling of excitement and challenge with her. He recognizes that the woman has already given over physical and emotional CONTROL to him. Which destroys the strongest ';lead-in'; to creating lasting love with a man.





However, not all men may behave in the same manner- have U made up ur mind ?? U have to make up your mind once and for all give a final ultamitum (if you are in two minds) and Move on ?


Good Luck%26gt;r
I was cheated on. Broke up with that guy and a few months later started dating another guy... and then I found out that he was engaged to a woman who lived in another state. So I ended that. The guy I'm seeing now understands how I feel because we talked about it before we started seeing each other. He went through some similar things with one of his exes. If I didn't talk to him about my problems I never would have realized the kind of guy he was.





I suggest you talk to the guy you are with. Don't make it sound like you're a nut job and he shouldn't run.
I never cheated, but I was cheated on. I was engaged to be married to ';mr. wonderful'; and it was bad enough that he told me he cheated on me, but he finally had to tell me because he got this girl pregnant, and she was quite a ways along. So here I am planning a wedding, and come to find out he got her pregnant and married her instead. It was nice of him to wait until I gave him a brand new tv for christmas though before he told me. I don't trust anyone, I have a very extensive lessons learned file. I did get married a few years later, and while I have been married over 20 years, it has not been a happy marriage. It is not my husband so much as it is his family. We took marriage courses through the base. I am a bad judge of character so I knew I would take marriage classes no matter who I married. My problem is that I can't keep his family from causing problems in the marriage. If I had my life to do over, I would not have gotten married, not so much because of my husband, but because of the in laws. You can't make this guy pay for the other guys mistakes, but you also have to keep your eyes open and protect your heart. You have to do what is best for you. These days there are back ground checks but there are not written guarantees. The marriage classes showed me that if I had married ';mr. wonderful'; I would have been making a huge mistake, but my husband and I had a lot in common. The thing that marriage classes didn't do for me was warn me about in laws. I guess you have to trust a little at a time.
Just go with the new guy. Don't tell him about your previous bf until you have been with him for a while. Then talk to him and let him know your fears. If he is who you really want and he wants you this shouldn't be a problem. If it scares him off, well you have saved yourself getting so involved that you had started to live together, or married. Most of all, trust him until he gives you a reason not to.
I have never had a girlfriend in my life to cheat or to get cheated.





And I think you should take time off to understand whether this person will do the same thing or not. I mean if you are not girlfriend/boyfriends with each other, then just be his friend and you will understand yourself. Wait,if you have to, one month, 1/2 year or even an year, because eventually it will end up in a search for a life partner.


And life is certainly bigger than 1 or 2 or even 10 years.


And I have a belief that the search for a life partner should be made with as much patience as much you have for taking life decisions.
First of all, good that you know that not all men are the same. But, I agree that not all decisions we make are correct just like the previous one which was letting yourself fall in love with a cheater. I know that controlling feelings is usually hard, but you'll get over it if you tried and were determind. Besides, this guy seems sweet, but instead of hurrying up, take your time, get to know him well, and see if that thing will work out or not. May be it'll end up well. But **Communication** solves problems. Talk with that guy right now until you're 110% that this guy is better than your ex ( You know, instead of falling in the same trap twice, we have to learn from our mistakes ) And btw, you really don't wanna waste your life not trusting people. We almost saw nothing from life, yet. So, enjoy the coming moments and be normal again. Hope I helped..Good luck! =)