Guys I need serious advice.. Is it me or am I a sucker for punishment?

I know this question has been brought up here before, but I didn't find any really satisfying answers (maybe there are none). This involves a pattern that seems to forming in all of my relationships no matter if they are a couple months or a couple weeks. Guys are always pulling the disappearing act on me, and it is starting to destroy my self confidence. I wouldn't describe myself as overly needy or attention seeking, I encourage them (and myself) to spend time apart, and overall I think I am a pretty good girlfriend.. I always love them for who they are not who I want them to be. Despite my relaxed attitude every guy I have dated in the last couple years just drops right of the face of the earth on me, with no explanation, i will try once and only once to get an explanation and then I leave them alone, and try to move on depending on the seriousness of the relationship. The weird thing is they always come back eager to start up again, and claiming i was the best gf they ever had, they threw away something good. I swear half the people I talk to on msn are old bf that i still communicate (but nothing else) with. I can't help but take this personally, it really bothers me. So my question then is what triggers the disappearance and what kind of girl has this happen so much? Sometimes I think it is because I am so relaxed in relationships preferring everything to go with the flow- do i create a monster who thinks he can walk all over me and take advantage of me and Ill still be there begging for more?Guys I need serious advice.. Is it me or am I a sucker for punishment?
First and foremost...Let NO guy destroy your self confidence. Your self worth should never be wrapped up in someone else. Stand up on your two feet and say ';I love me as I am'; and let guys experience the way you are. If they like it, they'll stick around. If they don't, they won't.





You didn't say how old you are but here's something from the perspective of a guy who's older than 30.





I thought I was mature at every age up until 30. At 30, I realized how immature I was. When a guy realizes how immature he is, that's the first step in being mature.





Assume all guys are immature in some way. Some more than others.





When I was 25, I did exactly what you described. I let a women go that I should have had the maturity to realize was all I needed. But it was the little imperfections that I idealistically wouldn't let go of that sent me packing. Later when I sat down with myself,I realized what I had done. Like the guys you experienced, I tried to go back and tell her. She wouldn't have anything to do with me and I've lived with the fact that I hurt her all this time. It hasn't been a pleasant thought that I hurt someone. Maybe I had to do that to ';grow up.'; She helped me grow up though I hadn't realized it at the time.Guys I need serious advice.. Is it me or am I a sucker for punishment?
If you're too relaxed, the guys might think you don't care all that much and that your relationship is casual, not serious. I think maybe you need to find middle ground between neediness and aloofness.
maybe you should stop going out with these flowers, and find a real man who will tell you its not working and then leave, and not just ghost up out of no where...so stop jumping into any old relationship and study the guy 1st....nommsayin.
maybe u just have a bad taste in guys....players?


answer mine plz :


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Perhaps you need to be more assertive. Or maybe you just haven't found the right man yet. Hang in there, honey!
Sounds like boys don't respect you. Being a laid back girlfriend is every horny boy's dream, just make sure you show ';some'; kind of ownership of your bf, otherwise he's not gonna feel like he needs to stay with you, you'll just keep doing nice things for him and he can go out with someone else. Pretty sweet deal for him. Don't let yourself be treated that way! you're a good girl!
Yes, I think they take you for granted. I've had my share of such boyfriends who believed they could get away with crime just because I was relaxed and didn't impose boundaries to what they could do. My fault was I had assumed they appreciated feeling comfortable around me.


The thing is guys like to hunt even when they are in a relationship. And it's better to keep them (at least to a certain degree) hunting for you, not other girls who seem interesting because they don't have them.





I'll give you a random example as how not to keep the guy TOO relaxed and you can expand from there:





Let's say you two decide to go out one night, but he calls you and tells you that he can't make it (or even worse, he doesn't show up at all and calls you the next day). Don't tell him it's all right and that you understand. Keep it short, but let him know you are upset and disappointed, without throwing an anger fit at them (that would just make them think they were right in standing up the hysterical b..ch) and without crying. Maybe you can stop calling him for a few days and let him make the next move. If he's a decent person, he will feel the correct amount of guilt at having been an *** and he will learn that there are boundaries to what he can do: the line where his actions really start hurting you.
to be honest, i do this a lot. here's why i think i do it...


i always like someone, and really want a relationship, i want something that will work, that will be perfect and that i think will last a long time. i really want that 'perfect relationship' so i try hard to find someone or when i think i've found someone perfect i rush into it. maybe they've all rushed into it. maybe they think that you're the perfect girl for them... then they start talking to someone else and realize... well this someone else is the girl for me, because i've rushed into a relationship with Ava that i don't even want to be in. so they leave, they move on, and they don't come back. until they realize, that you're the best they've ever had. you don't appreciate something until its gone. i don't see anything wrong with the traits you described, i actually like them a lot, you seem great.


i'd say just don't go for anyone unless you know that they care enough about you to not let you go just for anything or anyone. don't rush into something just because you want that special something, don't throw your heart away for just anyone.
That is really strange, especially since they come back and say you were the best gf they ever had. I think you should look at the type of guys you have been dating. I have the same thing happen with my gf's, they say im great and the best and blah blah but I can't seem to maintain a relationship. You seem like the ideal gf for most guys, relaxed and not trying to change them, I wish I could find some girls like you haha.
Its difficult to tell but i have a strange feeling there is something wrong with how you are communicating with your boyfriends. If they are disappearing without explanation then they don't feel they can tell the truth about what is wrong with the relationship.


Guys are attracted to a girl by first what she looks like, and then by her mystery, something that keeps them guessing as to whether they come up to your standard or not, if you have a relaxed standard there is no challenge in the pursuit (essential in a relationship) This keeps them around. You may be a little too accommodating that they take you for granted. Watch 50 first dates
No you don't create Monsters . But ,,,,,,, No Guy or Girl wants everything so Easy. You need to be a Little bit More self assuring.


Assertive in your approach to Relationships.Just a Little .


Reason Being The Chase Makes The Prize More Desirable.


But Myself A woman whom is intelligent would catch every ounce of My attention.


Of course I would figure that would make Her More assertive. Maybe I could be Wrong,,,,,,.


They come back because they want it easy again after getting kicked it the groin a few times.


If I were You I wouldn't take any of them back unless of course the Heart cannot help it.


Good Luck!~ You sound like a wonderful Person!
I think the question isn't what's wrong with you, but rather why are you attracting these kinds of guys in your life? sit down and make a list of the similarities of characteristics in all of the past guys you have dated, that pulled this on you. Don't try so hard to transform yourself into something you're not to please these guys..find a guy who loves you just the way you are. Find someone who isn't the typical type of person you're usually attracted to.
You may be getting involved too quickly. Sometimes a guy will do that, just to have sex with you, then regrets giving up his freedom. Next time, just take your time, and let him wait for sex and for a relationship. Tell him that you really like him, but give him a bit of a challenge by telling him that you want to get to know him better before making any kind of a commitment to him. Let him pursue you, and if he is patient about the sex and still treats you special, he is right for the relationship.





Next, when you do meet the right one, make sure that he knows where you stand, and never back down. Tell him that under no circumstances will you accept anything less than respect for you. Tell him that you in return will aways treat him with the respect he deserves. Tell him that if he can live with that, then you are ready for a relationship.





Space is good in a relationship, but too much space is not. Make sure that the majority of his time out is with you, and yours with him. It is okay to hang with friends occasionally, but in a relationship, you should be able to share friends and spend the majority of your recreation time together. If a guy does not love you enough to do that, then tell him to hit the road, and find one that will.





Lastly, don't fall so hard so fast. Give him some time to show you what he is made of, before you start declaring your undying love. It takes time to develop true love. It does not happen within months. Yes, you can feel as if you love someone almost immediately, but love is so much more than that. That is infatuation or lust disguised as love. Love, as you will find out when it happens, is not only is the most wonderful thing on this earth, but it takes work from the both of you to keep that love fresh and exciting. Nothing that wonderful comes easily. Remember that. Also remember that one-sided love is miserable, so don't let yourself fall completely, until you know he feels the same. Holding a little back, keeps guys interested anyway. They love a bit of a challenge, as long as you are respectful about it.