OK guys...divorce and kids advice needed.......?

basically 12 years together 8 married and he's had an affair!





has become violent towards me and has sent nasty cards. He was arrested last night for attacking a police officer, out now on bail.......


I'm filling for divorce, have that side sorted but the question i have is.........





silly really.... but he now wants to see the kids (today!) because of his violence (which really, scares me, went though that very badly at 18, almost killed me, so scared too much i guess?) i'm worried!!


they're his boys and i feel bad for not letting him!


should i?


or like the solicitor/ family and friends say....stop him?


sorry confused at the mo and rambling...always said i never stop him seeing them, and i'm sure they'd be safe...but just a niggling worry i can't shift!!!





any advice especially if you've been there will be great..thanks xOK guys...divorce and kids advice needed.......?
a violent man never changes get an order to keep him away from the children attacking a police officer .all the law got to be on your side all the best to you i wish i could help more you poor darling love rogerOK guys...divorce and kids advice needed.......?
If you feel he will get violent with you when he comes, I say meet in a neutral and public place. If not, have somebody there like a brother or cousin to make sure things stay cool and calm.





Sounds like you may need a restraining order to stipulate the terms of visitation. Think of this. Lots of women die every year because they didn't listen to their first instincts to protect themselves and their children from guys who lost it and killed entire families. Better safe than sorry!!!!
He would never hurt his children. But he may you if you try and stop him from seeing them. Best to leave well enough alone and let him see his children. During the mean time you need to file for a divorce and full custody on the evidence of his violent temper and being in and out of jail. You fear for the well being of the children. Get yourself a good attorney.
that little niggling worry is what you should go with. Your talking about taking a chance on your childrens safekeeping and if you have even the slightest notion he may harm them then it is your duty as a mother to prevent this animal from getting the chance to harm them..
I wouldn't leave my kids with someone who attacks a cop. Whats he going to to? Tell his kids he was in jail for hitting a cop and that it was cool? Better ask a good lawyer for advise.
Have the cops testify on your behalf to the judge as to why you don't want your kids around a violent person. And make sure they bring the police report they have on him.
In this situation has your solicitor advised applying for an injunction? This could potentially keep you and your children safe while the courts decide how access is arranged, or indeed if this is appropriate in the circumstances. Take advice from your solicitor. Don't put the wishes of your soon to be ex, before the welfare of your children. Hope it pans out for the best.


SV
well....the fact of the matter is,is that hes ur kids father weather hes short ugly fat violent happy sad stupid ect. nuthing can change that and just try to look at it from his side of it put ur self in his shoes he probably going threw alot of stress right now i mean its a divorce for cring out loud its tuff ive been there but my advic is to let him see ur kids even if thier supervised visits cause beacse the problem with a divorce is that the kids always end up loosing why?! because they grow up with oone parent and believe me it sucks not knowing or seeing ur growing up wothout a dad is just not fun i meann kids need the love of both parents not ust one so i hope my advice truly helps u in making ';the right desion';not for u but for ur kids.
Has he ever hit the kids or been violent around them? How old are the kids?





WTF is a solicitor?
Wow...that's a toughie. But I would have to say, that given his violent history, I'd be terrified that he will freak out on you and the children once he realizes you are going to divorce him... and if he already knows that, I would still be very concerned that he would hurt you or the children in an act of revenge. I would highly suggest you keep him away from the children, and yourself as best you can. If that means changing your locks so he has no access to your home, then please do it. You must make keeping yourself safe and your children your top priority now... best of luck to you sweetie.
I wouldn't let him see the kids today. He needs a cooling off period. The solicitor should be able to help you make a decision on this. Keep the kids out of harms way.


GOOD LUCK!
This is a very dificult situation and I can definitely understand why you are so worried.





I do think however that you should allow him to see the boys. Being their father, I don't think he'll hurt them and a growing boy needs his father.





If I were you, I'd agree on condition that he sees them in a public place. You can drop them of and fetch them afterwards.
Only you can decide to be honest - but I would take heed of what your solicitor says.





He is violent and you should tread carefully especially if he is coming into the home.





Do what you think is best but always - LOOK AFTER NUMBER ONE - You!!!
Yes, allow him to see them. Not today, because today you are going to go get a restraining order on him and find a judge who will grant him visitation with strict supervision from the court or CPS. If he's so durn violent, no telling what will happen. Just an angry guy's perspective.
I have never been in that situation before but I would say that if you have any doubts, even niggling doubts, I wouldn't let him see the children. He is not a very good role model for them anyway. If he placed any value on you and your children he wouldn't have had an affair and he wouldn't have got arrested for assaulting a police officer. I would say he's blown it big time. Keep the kiddies from this monster.